


Settling Dust

by llowyn_maelai



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Between Episodes, Episode: s02e01 The Man Who Saved Central City, POV First Person, Post-Episode: s01e23 Fast Enough, Whump, just a little something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24692515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llowyn_maelai/pseuds/llowyn_maelai
Summary: Just a little blurb of Barry being in a bit of a dark place, and contemplating his failures in the wake of the singularity's closure.
Kudos: 2





	Settling Dust

I have failed this city.

When I became The Flash, I felt optimistic and nearly invincible. And most days, it seemed like I was. I love helping people and keeping them safe. It’s what gets me up every morning. What drives me to do everything I can during the day, and allows me to rest easy at night.

I spent so long in the darkness of my past and my soul, trying to make sense of the senseless violence of my mother’s murder. Trying to understand what it was about me that made other kids turn on me, and why relationships never seemed to work out. And when I did figure it out, it just made things so much worse and sent me retreating even further behind my now-familiar happy-go-lucky façade.

Her death broke something in me.

So when I received that gift of speed, it felt like the first light I could see at the end of an eternally dark tunnel. I started being able to breathe easier, to have confidence in myself. My happiness wasn’t as feigned as it had been. And then  _ He _ showed up again, wearing the face of my idol, and my fragile joy shattered.

I never felt so much rage in my life as I did when that truth came out.

I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to rip that Mona Lisa smirk off of his face and gouge out his eyes. I wanted to find a way to steal his speed and throw him into a pit on Lian Yu and never see him again.

I wanted to kill him. Slowly. Painfully.

But I didn’t. Because I’m supposed to be the Hero. And heroes don’t murder people.

Some hero I turned out to be. When given the chance to go back, I couldn’t even save Her. 

Or Ronnie.

I couldn’t save those close to me. How could I save everyone else in this city, when it was my fault they were put in harm’s way, again and again,  _ and again… _

So I sunk back into the darkness of self-loathing, and it fit me like a favorite old sweater.

I distanced myself from those I loved. The ones closest to me and the city that I still love to the depths of my soul. I watch over her at night like a wraith, trying to put her back the way she was before I unleashed Hell onto her.

And I’ll never let my city down. Not again.


End file.
